When Your Partner Ignores the Collapse

A spouse or partner who ignores the reality of civilizational decline creates an exhausting divide. It’s the realization that your chosen partner might not work side-by-side with you when shit gets real.

Realistically, if the water stops flowing or grocery shelves are empty they’ll panic and perhaps finally acknowledge the gravity of our situation. But you need them to think about it today. In time to plan and prepare, so you’re not trapped running for the exits with the rest of the crowd.

You need to feel validated. Suffering in silence while your partner lives nonchalantly can breed resentment. Do they not see what’s happening? Do they not care?

Couples have similar divides over money, child-rearing, and religion. Many break apart as a result. But your view of the future doesn’t have the immediate impact of one partner blowing the furnace-repair money on gambling. Psychologically, our existential crisis hits you now, but there’s nothing you can tangibly identify that comes with the label “civilizational collapse-related”.

This friction can cause resentment, but separating over it is rarely necessary, especially if you remain compatible everywhere else.

There are layers to this issue. You might not be as far apart as you believe. Two people can be fully aware of an issue and react differently. You might be surprised by what they know but don’t discuss. I believe more people in the general population recognize that civilization is in a downward spiral but don’t exactly talk about it. You might discover they’re equally concerned but process the information differently. People don’t know how to talk about it. Or they choose not to because what can you really say other than vent? People who constantly trauma-dump watch their friend group shrink. People want an escape from the world around them.

So before allowing resentment to fester, first consider that your partner may also be in mourning. Just in their own way.

Still, there are practical considerations and your partner must be part of these discussions. Industrial civilization might be ending, we may be going extinct, but there are still things we should be doing to ease or extend our fate.

You need your partner on board somehow. Stop flooding them with climate data and supply-chain reports. Lecturing reads as patronizing and puts your partner on the defensive. Instead, when the time is right, focus inward, sharing how the most recent flood or wildfire makes you feel. Share that you are worried about the future and see how they react. Shift the intellectual debate away from being “right” or “wrong” to recognition and appreciation. Be genuine and raw about how you feel. If they dismiss your grief for the future then you have bigger issues.

Importantly, go one step further and give them space to share their feelings. Either way, knowing where you both stand serves as a baseline for how you take action.

Whether or not they agree with your view of the future doesn’t change the fact they can empathize with your pain. It also shouldn’t prevent you from taking measures to prepare your household. Not every safeguard needs to be set in the context of civilizational collapse. Instead, you’re stocking up on food when you see a good deal. You’re storing water because the government recommends it. You’re planting a garden because you want fresh food 10 steps from your kitchen. Relate your preparations to more immediate tangible benefits and perhaps your partner will even participate.

I’m not saying to pretend. Just focus on the angles that might appeal to them.

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Thanks

Sarah